Reid: Vested Interest #4 Read online

  My body froze. “What?”

  She unfurled her legs and leaned forward. “I know you, Reid. I see you pulling away from Becca. I know why.”

  “How?” I choked out.

  She chuckled, the sound actually real and amused. “You forget who I am. I see everything that happens in the office. Bentley, Aiden, even Maddox, tell me what’s going on. I know about your passport, your record, even your worries about buying a home.” She threw up her hands. “Those are problems, Reid. Issues. Problems can be solved. Issues overcome. You have friends who will help you. But letting them become bigger than they are, and deciding they dictate your life instead of dealing with them?” She shook her head. “That’s what you’re doing.”

  “I—”

  She interrupted me. “Do you think Max and I had an easy time of it? Everyone shunned us. Mocked us. Treated him like shit at the hospital for the longest time. People called me every name in the book—all because he was older and divorced. But we loved each other. That was all that mattered. We had each other. We made our life together.”

  I remained silent.

  “Becca is the perfect girl for you. You’re already in love with her. You’re simply too scared to admit it.”

  “I don’t want to limit her life because of my past.”

  “You don’t want to risk your pride in case she says no,” Sandy informed me, sat back, and crossed her arms. “Love is worth the risk, Reid. With the right person, it’s worth everything.”

  “Maybe I’m not the right person for her. She deserves so much better than me.”

  “Right. She deserves someone who isn’t kind, thoughtful, smart, and would adore her for the rest of her life? Who would put her first?” She snorted. “Get over yourself, Reid. For someone as smart as you, you are being shortsighted. Nothing is insurmountable. Ask for help. Let people in.” She drew in a deep breath. “Allow yourself to feel, Reid. The good and the bad.”

  Emotion choked my throat and filled my eyes. I stood so fast, my chair tilted, hitting the floor with a dull thud. “I should go. You’re tired.”

  She stood and faced me, challenging. “You haven’t cried for Max.”

  “Neither have you,” I shot back. Horrified at my words, I grabbed her hand. “Sandy, I’m sorry—I didn’t mean . . .”

  “You’re right, I haven’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because to cry means it’s real. Max is gone. He won’t kiss me goodnight anymore and call me darling. He won’t tease me about my boys or wake me with sweet kisses.” Her voice wavered. “He won’t be here to hold my hand when there’s a storm and tell me everything is fine. He won’t love me endlessly, because he has ended. The life we shared has ended.”

  I could only stare.

  “Max’s biggest regret was that we never had children. He’d had a vasectomy because his first wife didn’t want any more children. He tried to have it reversed, but it didn’t work. We tried to adopt, but because of his age, we weren’t approved.” She tilted her head, studying me. “I wish they had given me you, Reid. I would have surrounded you with love no matter how much you cried and screamed.” A tear slid down her face. “I would have shown you how much you deserved to be loved then. Just like you do now.”

  That broke me. I wrapped her in my arms and wept. She cried with me, both of us sharing pain no one else would understand. Her tears soaked into my shirt, and mine ran down her neck. Somehow, they helped relieve the ache I hadn’t been able to get rid of for days.

  She kissed my head. “I found my kids with you boys. All of you. Bentley, Aiden, and Maddox filled a place in my heart that was empty.” She kissed me again. “And you completed it, Reid.”

  I lifted my head, and she wiped my face, her expression gentle. “Don’t let love pass you by because you’re scared or because of the what-ifs, Reid. Grab it. Live it. Life is too short for that sort of regret.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Sandy.”

  “Yes, you do, my boy. What you have done since I met you. Be honest. Talk to Becca. Tell her your fears and what is holding you back. Let her be part of the decision. Part of loving someone is letting her see you. All of you.”

  She shook my shoulders. “Before it’s too late, Reid. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. All we have is now. Remember that.”

  I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed the knuckles. “I’m supposed to be looking after you. Not the other way around.”

  She shook her head. “No, you’ve done enough. You all have. In fact, I need some time alone to think. To remember. To figure out my next step.”

  “You’re not leaving BAM, are you?” I asked. The thought made me anxious.

  “And leave the four of you on your own?” She smirked. “The place would shut down in a month.”

  I had to laugh. She was right. A week without her and we were all floundering.

  “No. I’ll be back next week. I need something other than these walls around me. I need to find my new reality, but BAM is still a part of it. A big part.” She winked. “Don’t tell Bentley, but I’d be lost without them too.”

  “Your secret is safe with me.”

  She held out her arms. “Give me a hug, and go home, Reid. Or even better, go see Becca. Let her in.”

  I hugged her tight, feeling both grateful and sad. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”

  “You have to,” she replied, still hugging me. “It’s what I want.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  She pulled back, cupping my face. “Yes. Be brave. Cherish what you have. Be happy.”

  Becca

  THE CONSTANT SOUND of the rain hitting my window would normally soothe me, but tonight, there was no soothing.

  I had never met Max, but yesterday at the funeral, it was obvious many held him in high regard. Seeing Sandy so broken and vulnerable had shaken me. She was always in control—fearless and direct. All the men of BAM had hovered over her, worried and desperate to help, but unable to give her what she needed because her husband was gone.

  I blinked away the tears forming in my eyes. All I could see was Reid. His stark loneliness that was so evident in a room full of people. Bentley, Aiden, and Maddox all sought out and stayed by their respective partners. Reaching out to clasp their hands or tucking them close as they watched over Sandy—drawing strength from their presence, allowing them to share in their grief.

  Reid stood apart, not talking, not showing emotion, and not knowing what to do. He added more bricks to the wall he was recreating around himself, shutting out his friends, his emotions, and me.

  Especially me.

  Whatever had occurred—whatever words flipped that switch in his head, I couldn’t fight. The rare moments he would allow himself to relax, to smile and murmur something sweet or funny had ceased totally since the weekend of the launch.

  It felt as if he was as lost to me as Max was to Sandy.

  I tried to talk to him at the funeral and again today in the office. But my texts went unanswered, and his door remained closed, even when I knocked. I left early, dejected, unsure, and wondering if I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Toronto and becoming involved with Reid.

  Richard and Katy had warned me of the downfalls of having a relationship in the office. I hadn’t listened to them—instead, only hearing my heart, which told me they were wrong. Reid was different. We were different.

  I hadn’t expected his withdrawal when faced with a difficult situation. I knew his past figured in all of this, but how, I didn’t know, and he refused to say.

  With a sigh, I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. My dinner sat, untouched, on the stove, the pasta not temping my appetite in the slightest.

  A sharp knock at my door startled me. I reached for my phone, grateful for the security system Reid had installed. I had a neighbor down the hall who loved to “drop in” for a chat and stay for hours, and tonight I was in no mood to deal with her babble. I tapped the screen, expecting to see her face, sho
cked when, instead, I saw Reid. He stood, head bowed, hands clutching the doorframe as if it were the only thing holding him up. His jacket was wet, his hair plastered to his head. I set down the phone and made my way to the door, opening it.

  Reid lifted his head, his expression devastated—pain, fear, and need rolled off him like a tidal wave.

  He swallowed, and his voice was rough when he spoke. “I-I didn’t know if you would answer your door.”

  “Why are you here, Reid?”

  “I-I need you, Becca.”

  My heart shattered as I spoke. “I can’t just be the girl you turn to when you need something. It hurts too much.”

  “That’s not what you are.”

  “What am I?”

  Water ran down his face. I didn’t know if it was the rain or tears. His eyes blinked, cleared, and became glossy again.

  “My future.”

  I grabbed a towel and blanket from the linen closet, and returned to the living room. After his one-word-changed-my-life statement, I had led Reid to the sofa and made him pull off his wet jacket and sneakers. I removed his socks and wrapped his feet in a blanket. His toes were almost blue from the cold, leading me to wonder how long he’d been walking in the rain.

  He sat on the sofa, perched on the edge, his hands clasped and head bent. Briskly, I toweled his wet hair.

  “You need another trim.”

  He looked up, his hazel eyes filled with a new emotion. “Would you cut it?”

  “If you want.”

  “I want.”

  “Okay. Now lose your shirt and pants.”

  A glimmer of a smirk tugged his lips. “Shouldn’t we talk first, BB?”

  I shook my head. “You’re soaking wet, Reid. You need to take off your clothes before you catch cold. You can wrap this blanket around you, and I’ll toss them in the dryer.” I cupped his face. “We are going to talk. By that, I mean you are going to talk, and I’m going to listen. Understand me?”

  His large hands covered mine, and he turned his head, kissing one palm, then the other. “Yes.”

  He stood and removed his wet clothes.

  I watched him, appreciating his build. He was lean and strong, his skin stretched taut over his muscles, sexy and appealing. His big hands made short work of the buttons and zippers, his long fingers nimble. Thinking about the way he used his body and those fingers to bring me pleasure, I had to avert my eyes before I made the mistake of tackling him to the sofa and fucking him before we talked.

  I hoped that would happen afterward.

  I threw the wet bundle into the dryer and carried a hot cup of coffee to Reid. He wrapped his hands around the mug and sipped the steaming liquid. A shiver ran through his body.

  “Thank you. I needed that.”

  I sipped my wine, letting him warm. “How long were you walking in the rain?”

  He ran a hand over his face. “What time is it?”

  “Almost nine thirty.”

  “A little over an hour, I guess.” He met my gaze and shrugged. “I needed to find my courage to come and see you.”

  “Well, here you are.”

  Tentatively, he reached for my hand, playing with my fingers. He lifted it to his mouth, kissed the palm, and pressed it to his face. “Yes, I am. And you’re here.” His voice sounded thick. “God, I needed you to be here.”

  “Tell me why.”

  He drained his coffee and set down his mug, then turned to me. “I’ve been struggling.”

  “I know that. What I don’t understand is why.”

  He exhaled long and hard, picking up my hand again.

  “I thought I was moving forward in my life. Moving away from my past. Sandy let me know, without a doubt, I was doing anything but that. I was drowning in my past and letting it swamp me.”

  “Tell me, Reid.”

  I listened as he told me about his conversation with Sandy. I couldn’t help the tears that flowed down my cheeks as he told me about her statement of wishing she’d had the chance to be his mother.

  “She would have been a wonderful mother to you.”

  “She would have, but as weird as it sounds, I wouldn’t trade my life until now for that to have happened.”

  “Why?”

  “If she’d been busy being a mother, she might not have met Bentley and the guys. She wouldn’t be a part of BAM. Neither would I.”

  “You would rather have that job than erase a lifetime of painful memories?”

  He edged nearer to me so our knees were touching.

  “My job brought me to you. I would rather have you in my future than good memories of my past. I want the memories you and I create to be the ones I think of when I’m old and gray.”

  My breath caught at his powerful words.

  “What brought this on, Reid? Tell me, please.”

  He sighed. “It was a combination, Becca. The fact that Maddox was getting married and I realized I might not be able to go because I didn’t have a passport and I wasn’t sure I could get one because of my record. The idea of buying a place for us at some point—I don’t know if I can get a mortgage with my past. I mean, what bank wants to back someone who went to prison for stealing from another bank?” He dropped his head. “All I could think of was I wasn’t good enough for you. That you deserved someone who could give you everything you wanted.”

  I took in a deep breath and forced myself to remain calm.

  “How do you know what I want, Reid? You never asked. This isn’t the first time you’ve made a decision, based on what you think is best for me, without asking, you know.”

  His gaze flew to mine. “I know you want to travel. You’ve said so. You said you’d like to buy a condo in Ridge Towers if you were staying here.”

  “Yes, I have said that. I’ve also said I want to bungee-jump and try parasailing, but if it doesn’t happen, my life won’t come to an end.”

  He furrowed his brow. “I don’t understand.”

  I smiled. “You need to stop deciding what I need, Reid. What would be best for me. You aren’t my parent. I want you to be my partner. I want to discuss things with you. Make decisions together.” I tilted my head. “You know, I somehow managed to make it twenty-five years on my own. I went to school, held down a job, moved three times, and I was part of one of the most successful launches in the history of BAM. All without someone second-guessing if I should be doing those things.” I smirked. “Even my father knows better than to question me when I make a decision in regard to living my life.”

  “I don’t want to hold you back.”

  I flung up my hands. “There you go again. Who says you’re going to hold me back?”

  “If I can’t—”

  I shook my head in anger. “Reid, one of the things that drew me to you was your optimism. Your zest for life. The way you tackled every project with a ‘Let’s do this!’ attitude. It was as if nothing was going to stop you. What changed? Why are you letting these doubts overwhelm you?”

  His response was immediate. “Because I never had so much at stake until now. Until you.”

  “Reid—” I whispered.

  “I want to make your life better, Becca, not to cause you worries and issues you shouldn’t have to deal with.”

  “Shouldn’t I be allowed to decide what I do and do not want to deal with?”

  This time, he remained quiet, thinking over my words. Finally, he spoke.

  “Yes, you should.”

  “We’ll deal with it together. Stop with these unilateral decisions when it comes to our future!”

  “Do we have a future, Becca? Or have I messed this up so badly, you’re done with me?”

  “You have messed up, yes. But not to the point of being done with you. Not by a long shot.”

  He closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging with relief.

  I leaned forward, my voice firm. “Listen to me, Reid. What did Sandy tell you? You aren’t alone anymore. We can take your problems and break them down, one by one, and solve them. The same
way you do with an IT problem. You never tackle it as a whole. You break it into manageable steps, and you work at it until you solve it. Until we solve it. But you have to let me in. Talk to me. Talk to your friends. We all love you and want to help.”

  His eyes flew open. “You-you love me?”

  I hadn’t meant to say those words to him. I didn’t think he was ready to hear them. I didn’t think I was ready to say them. Yet, there they were—hanging between us like a shining spotlight. I knew I could tell him I loved him as a friend and that he meant a great deal to me, but not the way it came out.

  But tonight was about the truth.

  “Yes, Reid Matthews. I’m falling in love with you. That’s why this hurts so much.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Stop shutting me out. Let me share your life.”

  Our gazes locked. His was filled with emotion and worry.

  He blew out a long breath. “I can’t tell you I’m falling in love with you, Becca.”

  My breath faltered. “Oh.”

  He cupped my face. “Because I’m already there. I love you, Becca Holden. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I love you so much and I want you in my life.”

  I wasn’t sure who moved first, but I was under him on the sofa, his mouth on mine.

  Hard and deep.

  Possessive and claiming.

  Filled with want and passion.

  Repeating with his body, the words he had said out loud.

  I love you.

  His firm, rough chest pressed into mine, his body pushing me deep into the cushions of the sofa. I slipped my hands under the blanket surrounding him, caressing the warm, damp skin on his back. He groaned into my mouth, kissing me deeper, overwhelming me until all I could think about was him. His taste. His scent. How he reacted to my touch. The way I felt his desire.

  How much I wanted him in return.

  He pulled back, his breathing erratic. “I’m squishing you.”

  “What a way to go,” I teased.

  “I need to be with you, BB. Will you let me?”

  “You never have to ask.” I trailed my fingers down his cheek, feeling the coarseness of his stubble and the dampness of his tears. “I’m yours, Reid.”