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  “Yours, Joshua. Yes.”

  I claimed her lips again.

  Mine.

  Chapter Twelve

  Joshua

  Warmth. Sweet-smelling, delicious warmth. My arms tightened around the soft form pressed into my chest and I settled deeper into the covers. Gentle lips brushed against my chest, up my neck and across my jaw. Slowly, I opened my eyes and smiled into the vivid blue eyes of Rabbit, who was gazing up at me nervously. “Hi,” she whispered.

  “Hi, yourself,” I whispered back, leaning down to kiss her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “I ... umm ... I wasn’t sure if I was awake or if this was just a good dream.” Her voice was shy and hesitant.

  I quirked my eyebrow at her. “Just a good dream, Rabbit? Well, that’s just not … acceptable.” Grinning, I quickly rolled us, making sure not to hurt her and slowly lowered my head. “Let’s see if I can’t make that an amazing dream …” my voice trailed off, sounding low and husky. I lightly grazed my lips on hers, and then drew her bottom lip into mine. Gently, I nibbled on the plump flesh, before slowly drawing my tongue along the top, teasing her. The quiet whimper at the back of her throat made me smile, and I covered her mouth with mine, groaning as I felt her tongue reach out to twine with mine. My senses exploded and I gathered her to me carefully, deepening the kiss. Her hands reached up, curling into my hair, pulling me closer and responding so sweetly that another groan broke from my throat. Shifting my weight, I rolled us again to the side and my hands found their way under the t-shirt she was wearing and began a circuit, slowly caressing her skin, needing to feel her warmth. Desire raged through me and I drew back, panting as I looked down at her. Her wide eyes gazed back pleading. “Don’t stop, Joshua … please.”

  “Rabbit, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you. I can’t do that …” I whispered, pleadingly, needing her to understand why I had stopped downstairs, why I was stopping now.

  She shook her head. “You won’t.” Her hands pulled me down closer. “You won’t …” she breathed, her tongue flicking out, touching my mouth, gently trailing its sweet moisture across my lips. “Please, Joshua.”

  I groaned deeply and gave in to the need I had been fighting since I carried her up from the hot tub and placed her back where she belonged. With me; in my bed, in my arms.

  The need to make her mine filled me. Completely. My mouth hungered for her taste, my hands were desperate for the feel of her skin under them and my body wanted to possess and claim her. I needed to hear her calling my name as she came. I needed it now. She was right, I would have her now, and I wouldn’t hurt her.

  I rolled us yet again so she was on top of me. I sat up, drawing her close as I captured her mouth with mine, delving, tasting her sweetness. My hands removed her t-shirt and explored her curves, learning the spots that made her whimper with need into my mouth as she clutched my arms, trembling.

  “Touch me, Rabbit,” I begged, breaking away from her mouth and running my lips down her neck. Her hands drifted down my arms and ran up my chest, delicately stroking and exploring, her lips following their path as she shifted. My head dropped back as I felt the warmth of her mouth on my skin. Her hands slipped down, finding me hard and wanting and I hissed in pleasure as I felt her wrap her hands around my throbbing erection, stroking gently. Leaning forward, I claimed her mouth again and felt her rise up to greet me, I reached down and my hand found her slick and ready for me. Slowly, I explored and touched as she moaned into my mouth. Smoothly pulling her up, I positioned her and watched the expression on her face as I slowly lowered her onto my cock, her warmth engulfing me inch by inch. For a minute, we both stilled at the intense feeling of being joined and my eyes drifted shut at the extreme pleasure. I began to move, slowly at first, and as Rabbit began pleading, faster and harder; still keeping in mind not to hold her too tightly and hurt her. She clung to me as my thrusts began to become more powerful and I buried my face in her neck as I felt my orgasm begin to build, its tendrils curling their way hot and desperate through my body.

  “So close, baby,” I whispered, against her ear. “Let go, Rabbit, come for me,” I begged, feeling her body starting to shake and quiver. Her head fell back and she gasped out my name as her orgasm raced through her and her muscles tightened around me. Then, like a dam breaking, my body responded and my release tore through me like molten lava; hot, burning fire racing through my veins as I roared out her name, thrusting until I was spent.

  My head fell forward, resting on top of Rabbit’s, which was burrowed into my chest. Neither of us spoke, the only sound in the room was our deep intakes of air as we both calmed. Slowly, I sat back, raising her chin and looking at her. Her eyes stared back at me, mirroring the sweetness of the moment. Leaning down, I brushed her lips tenderly and then gently moved us so we were again lying side by side. I kept my arms around her, holding her closely, not yet ready to let her go. Her hands were tucked between us and I felt the movement of her fingers as she ran them in lazy circles over my chest, one hand over my rapidly-pounding heart. My eyes closed as I relaxed, enjoying the soothing rhythm of her touch, only to fly open in panic as I felt dampness on my chest. Releasing one arm, I cupped her cheek, feeling the tears that were running down her warm skin. “Rabbit, what is it?” I whispered.

  Silently, she shook her head, burrowing into me even deeper. I moved my hand and lifted her chin, hating to see the tears filling her eyes. “Did I hurt you?” My voice shook.

  “No, Joshua … it’s …” her voice trailed off.

  “Do you regret it?” I asked, already feeling the pain of her of answer.

  “No! I don’t know how to explain this properly, Joshua … it’s …” she paused and her voice became so soft, I had to strain to hear it. “It’s as if my body can’t handle what just happened. Like I am so full of bliss it can’t be contained. It’s like I’ve been waiting for something and I finally found it.” Her eyes looked up at me. “I guess that sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

  I leaned down and kissed her lovingly. Then again. And again. Each time a little deeper. Each time a little longer. Until I was once again drowning in the taste of her and still needing more. Finally, I broke away and buried my head into her neck, shaking my head as I tried to hold in the feelings that tore through me as she whispered her confession.

  “I feel it, too, Rabbit. I finally found it as well.”

  “What is it?”

  I lifted my head and locked my gaze on hers.

  “Home, my beautiful girl. I finally found my home.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Joshua

  The fire was crackling in the hearth, Bear stretched out contently in front of it. When we had emerged from the bedroom, he looked at us as if to say ‘finally’ then had chuffed and walked away as if his job was done and laid down. Rabbit and I were on the sofa, the remnants of the casserole between us, two forks lying in the dish, not even bothering with plates. One glass of wine was passed back and forth, tasting all the better for sharing it with her. Our hands were entwined on the back of the sofa, neither of us willing to be without that connection, even to eat. We were quiet, both of us lost in our thoughts, weary from the emotion of the day, but peaceful with the feelings we had shared and that permeated the atmosphere of the room.

  Rabbit stood up and took the dishes into the kitchen, coming back with the bottle of wine to fill our glass. I pulled her down beside me, wanting her closer, and she leaned into me, her head resting on my shoulder. Affectionately, I nuzzled the top of her head, amazed, once again, how well she fit into my side. My hand gently stroked her arm while her hand rested on my knee. I closed my eyes, enjoying a tranquillity I had never experienced before. It was as if everything I needed was in this very room and the sense of emptiness I always felt had vanished.

  I heard Bear get up and walk around and then felt the sudden impact of his large body jumping on the sofa. I cracked open one eye and saw he was now sitting beside Rabbit, his huge head in her lap as she stroke
d him. He sighed deeply and rested his head on his paws, soaking up the attention. I grinned as I leaned over, scratching his neck. “Spoiled dog,” I muttered as I glanced at her. She smiled at me and flexed her hand on my knee.

  “How long have you had him?”

  “Just over three years.”

  “And he has, um, helped you?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, he has. Leaving the house before he came was almost impossible. When I got him, I realized he would have to go outside and be walked and the only one who could do it was me. We learned to go outside together. He hated it as much as I did at first.”

  “He’s been your only … resource?” she asked timidly.

  I leaned over and stroked her cheek. “Ask me your questions, Rabbit. I won’t get angry.”

  “You said you had some counseling. How did that work … exactly … if you couldn’t leave the house?”

  “Ah. The same way I conduct a lot of things in my life. Via webcam.”

  She looked at me incredulously. “Really? I didn’t know that sort of counseling … existed.”

  “I don’t know how common it is. When I was finally able to leave the hospital and I came here, it was just going to be for a while. I didn’t plan on staying here. Maggie had been my doctor at the hospital and I kept in contact with her. I’d been here for a couple of months when one day I realized I hadn’t been outside for weeks. When I tried I found it wasn’t just that I didn’t want to go outside. I couldn’t. I knew I was in trouble.”

  “What did you do?”

  I laughed humorlessly. “Nothing. I figured it was just a delayed reaction to the attack and I kept quiet. I just found more and more excuses to stay here. I didn’t have to go anywhere. One click of the mouse brought almost everything I needed to me. For a while it was so bad I didn’t even go to the door. Whatever was delivered was dropped off in the mudroom and I would get it after they left.”

  “What changed?”

  “My assistant, Cecilia. She acted as a liaison between me and my publishers, brought me things I didn’t want to order online, checked up on me, and so many other things, I don’t think I could list them all. I thought I was fooling her. I thought I was fooling everyone. But she showed up on one of her bi-weekly trips with Maggie, and it all came out. The next week the webcam was installed and I started sessions with Maggie again. She also sent a local person in that I talked to and who could monitor my medications and work with me in person. Actually, it was his idea to get Bear.”

  Rabbit looked at me quietly for a moment, and then squeezed my hand. “And things got better?”

  “Not right away. It was all baby steps. But, eventually, I was able to leave the house and move around the property. I got to know the delivery people and was able to go out and greet them without a panic attack. I could walk Bear around freely. Work in the barn. Mow the grass. Simple things I couldn’t do before.”

  “But you still can’t leave?”

  I sighed and shook my head. “Every attempt has failed. Badly.” I stood up and began to walk around. “Maggie died a couple years ago. I tried other therapists but none of them were right. Dave still comes to see me and we talk but nothing else has changed. After all this time I don’t think it ever will for me.”

  “What about … doctors, vet visits, that sort of thing?”

  “Cecilia takes Bear for his checkups. I get house calls from the local doctor and even the dentist. Unorthodox, yes. But, at the risk of sounding like a snob, you can do anything when you have the money to pay for it. And, I have the money.”

  She was quiet for a moment, and then looked at me, her brow furrowed.

  “Don’t you get … lonely, Joshua?”

  I sat back down and picked up her hand. “I do, occasionally. Really though, I was never much of a social person, Rabbit. I was always a loner. Even my chosen vocation, before this happened was done alone for the most part. And, really, when things are up and running around here, I see and talk to people all day on the computer. I talk with my publishers, editor, Cecilia, other people. I write and edit. Occasionally, a friend comes to visit. Cecilia is still here every couple of weeks. At night I read, listen to music, watch TV, sometimes play a game on the computer; do what most people do with their downtime. I just don’t leave my property. This is my life, Rabbit. I’ve come to accept it and I’m okay with it … most of the time.”

  For a few minutes, there was silence. Her voice was husky when she spoke up again. “Do you have any family?”

  “No. I was an only child. My parents died when I was in university. There’s … just me.”

  “Ah,” was her quiet reply.

  She stood up suddenly, causing Bear to huff in displeasure at being disturbed. “I’ll be right back,” she murmured, as she left the room. I looked down at Bear, who was staring directly at me.

  “She’s not going to the bathroom is she, boy?” I asked. His great head shook as he snorted at me before jumping down and moving closer to the fire.

  I got up and followed Rabbit. As I suspected, she was in the bedroom, standing in the dark, crying. I pulled her into my arms. “Don’t, Rabbit. Don’t feel sorry for me. Please.”

  She shook her head against my chest. “I don’t. I just … I can’t stand the thought of you alone. I’m sorry about your parents. About losing Maggie. For what those bastards took away from you.”

  Stunned, I held her closely, rocking us. Her simple words sank in. She didn’t start to lecture me on trying to overcome my phobia again. She didn’t tell me to try harder. She just offered me her quiet comfort and acceptance. She could no more stand the thought of my being alone as I could the thought of someone hurting her.

  I sighed.

  We were both in over our heads.

  But neither of us was willing to stop.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Joshua

  “This won’t work if you don’t relax, Joshua.”

  “I’m trying, Rabbit. It’s just … not working.”

  “It worked before. You enjoyed it, in fact. You groaned … loudly.”

  I sighed. “I know, Rabbit, but it was different then.”

  “Different? How?”

  “I didn’t really … know you as well.”

  Rabbit’s hands stilled. “So ‘knowing’ me more means you can’t relax and let me massage your leg?”

  I shifted a little in the deep water. “‘Knowing’ you makes me, ah, keep thinking of somewhere else I would rather your hands … massage me. It’s hard to, um, relax.”

  Rabbit looked down, her cheeks pink. I watched her bite her lip and then glance up at me from under her lashes. I held my breath as she leaned in closer to my face, her hands slowly drifting higher on my leg. “Are you saying you’re aching elsewhere, Joshua?” she breathed softly into my ear. “That there is somewhere else you’d rather my hands … stroke?”

  My head fell backwards at the huskiness of her voice. I felt her lips gently caressing my earlobe and her hands gradually, painfully slowly, inched their way to my now rigid, throbbing cock. A growl escaped my lips as her hands finally reached their destination and wrapped around me.

  “Here, Joshua? Is this where your ache is?” she whispered, her hands moving and stroking in the hot water.

  “Fuck. Yes. Right there, Rabbit … just like that … yes …” I moaned.

  Her lips made their way over from my ear, her tongue sweetly dancing along my lips. Groaning, I pulled her mouth to mine, winding my hand in her hair, holding her closely as our tongues stroked and tasted each other. Her hands continued to play with me, stroking, teasing, fondling, as the moans in the back of my throat grew louder. She pulled back from my lips, watching me. She leaned forward again, whispering in my ear again. “Is this how you handled your aches on your own, Joshua? With your hand?”

  I grunted my acquiescence, not able to form words at this point. I tried to pull her lips back to mine. She resisted me. “Maybe … I should show you a … different way of easing your … ache,” s
he growled softly, her hand stilling. I stared at her as her meaning became clear. My eyes widened as a surge of pure desire shot through me. I knew I should tell her no … that she didn’t have to … that I didn’t want her to … but the thought of her mouth on me suddenly became an urgent, pounding need. One I couldn’t survive without having.

  She backed away, pulling me with her. “Stand up, Joshua,” she instructed quietly. Shuddering with desire, I did what she asked. “Sit on the edge of the tub and lean back.” Keeping eye contact with her, I sat down, the air outside the hot tub cold on my skin. But that wasn’t the reason for the shivers I felt run through my body. It was the thought of her … and then it was there. Her mouth, wrapped around me, warm and wet. Her tongue stroking, tasting, swirling. My head fell back against the wall. “Fuck … Rabbit, yes … baby … yes …” I gasped lowly. Pleasure I hadn’t experienced in years tore through me as she worked me with her mouth. The intimacy of the moment was overwhelming. And all too soon, I could feel my orgasm start to build. My hands pushed on the hard tiles beside me, my hips thrusting up, my cock needing, yearning for more of her mouth, her swirling tongue. I wanted to be deeper, desperately craving her warmth.

  “I’m close, baby, so close … stop … you need to …” I groaned, my voice trailing off. But she didn’t. Instead her hands gripped my hips tightly, the gentle sucking becoming rhythmic. I stiffened, my body caught in a stretched arch, shouting loudly as I came, my body shaking with intensity. I sat breathless, shocked at the power of my release when I felt a pulling on my hips. Opening my eyes, I looked down at Rabbit, smiling shyly up at me as she silently urged me back into the water of the hot tub. I lowered myself back into the hot water and instantly reached for her, gathering her into my arms. I lifted her chin and kissed her deeply, tasting myself on her tongue. I groaned at the taste mingled with hers and then buried my face into her neck, trying to calm my racing heart and gasping breaths. Her arms came around me, holding me to her as her hands stroked the back of my neck.